At this point in this never ending health saga I am absolutely desperate for some sort of relief. Somewhere between the pain and fatigue my depression jumps in and makes everything much worse leaving me in what seems to be a chronic cycle of me just trying to function like a normal human.
Yesterday was ME/CFS & Fibromyalgia awareness day, while I have not been officially diagnosed with either of these or anything at this point ( besides mono…) I do take comfort in the community of people I have found online experiencing the same issues as I am. It’s nice to know you are not alone even though my depression tells me otherwise- I am not the only person in the world with random symptoms, the only one who has to nap after a shower, who’s skin feels like fire after the smallest touch, who can’t seem to be hugged anymore without severe pain, who’s blood results are great yet abnormal at the same time. I am not the only one who is desperate for some relief and knowing that brings the comfort that I cherish late at night and into the wee hours of the morning when I’m left alone with the pain and darkness.
Last night was one of the worsts I’ve had in a long time. I feel like it was trying new medications plus the disappointment of having no answers from the rheumatologist, mixed with a little bit of Mother’s day is tomorrow and the whole childless hysterectomy thing.
So I cut my hair.
I’ve been thinking about for a bit. In preparation for explaining and convincing those closest to me that I’m not being compulsive, I came up with this list.
- MY HAIR HURTS
- Why not? It will grow back right?
- What if it works? How silly would I feel if cutting my hair helped some of my symptoms where my head is concerned?
- At this point my double chins don’t matter.
- It’s exhausting to wash it hurts so bad to brush it
- It is falling out. I’m so tired of seeing it in the shower, in the sink, pillow. I know cutting it won’t help the shedding but at least it won’t be as long right?
- I am aware that I’ve always been on the masculine side and do worry about the short hair but desperation wins this battle. I’ll just have to learn makeup and jewelry to pretty things up Or because I rarely leave the house just deal with it. Looking like my dad should be a compliment 😉