I Dreamed a Dream

I’ve always wanted to be a mom. A stay at home mom actually, it was quite a foreign concept to me growing up. No one in my family was a “homemaker” and the majority of the extended members  were divorced and working so the idea of a stay at home mom was fascinating to me.

 

The hunger grew while I was at Hillsong. I was forced to go to Sisterhood and be around girly things and talk about families, children and everything it is to be a woman of God. I secretly loved it though if you knew me then you would be surprised. It was hard, while in Sydney I had two procedures on my female parts and faced some of the same thoughts and fears as I’m facing now…

 

As the years went by and I got older I heard the biological clock tick louder. I celebrated with friends through weddings, engagements and birth their babies. Somewhere along the way I let my guard down and actually believed I would know this joy one day too. A few years ago I actually had a dr tell me the cysts in my ovaries were gone, that really allowed me to dream even bigger.

 

But now…..

 

I keep singing I dreamed a dream from Les Miserables. I was trying to explain to my mom that my tears weren’t all about not having children of my own. They are about not even getting to dream about them, their freckles, their births, surprise gender announcements, and fun ways to tell friends and family the happiest news ever. 

 

I’ve been through life, heartache and loss….

I’ve just never had my dreams taken away before.

 

“I had a dream my life would be So different from this life I’m living So different now from what it seemed Now life has killed the dream I dreamed”

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6 Comments

  1. I’m sorry friend. I’ll be praying for you & this pain to lessen. I’ll also be praying for the new dream God has for you. If you ever need to talk or vent, I’ll listen, with no judgement.

  2. Dearest Sarah,
    My heart breaks for you and it brings back times I try not to go back to
    when I also had that same dream. But I know you have so much love and
    knowledge to give to others that you can perhaps dream another dream
    just a different dream.
    So many children need love and care and other causes need volunteers
    to work with children. I know you have to work right now. But you have
    to take care of the special Sarah we all love. There is always adoption, which didn’t work out for me and Uncle Gene but might for you.
    Of course my girl scout days were very good for me.
    Prayers for strength to get through the coming days.
    Love you so much!
    Aunt Peg

    1. Thank you aunt Peggy. I’ve picked up the phone to call you a few times but didn’t know what to say. I can’t wait to see you at Christmas

  3. I love you my Sarah. I keep thinking of a Garth Brooks song that you introduced me to: “I thank God for unanswered prayers…” He has plans for you–great plans, my love!
    Hugs! Beth

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