This morning I was standing in my kitchen crying about the lack of ice in the freezer and saying its just the hormones, its just the hormones, its just the hormones calm down just relax. I realized maybe it was time to stop “working” on my blog and do some actually writing.
***Here is my there will be some girl talk in the post disclaimer***
I’ve basically been on my period for the past 2 months. Due to the lack of iron and severe anemia it has been increasingly hard to function this past month. I have gone through various forms of hormones and birth control drugs in high doses that have wreaked havoc on my body. My hair is thinning, hot flashes, irritability and have pretty much every other side effect possible. Humor and silly Instagram posts have been as warnings and jokes but the mood swings are pretty bad. According to my Psychiatrist it is actually very common for the amount of hormones that I’m on to basically render my anti depressants and anxiety medicine useless. I take comfort in knowing that this will pass and is some what “normal”.
Trying to stay in control of my emotions has really distracted me from the fact that I’ll be having a hysterectomy in January, a month after my 30th birthday. I fell apart once with my mom but I know there is a flood of emotions hiding in my heart.
I’ll be documenting this journey here on my blog. I’ve searched and read every blog post and article about going through this at my age. Since I’ve only come across a few articles on women going through this without ever having kids I felt a nudge in my heart to be real and honest. Maybe my experience with this could help someone else one day.
Since I’m terrified that once I start crying I won’t be able to stop, my current goal is go to work and not be a hormonal b-word. I need to enjoy Christmas festivities, turn 30, visit my dad and family whom I haven’t seen in 2 years, and try to hold it together until January. I refuse to let this ruin my holidays.